5 Reasons Never to let Others Offend You!

Posted by in Books, How the Top 10% Do It!, Self-Management Strategies for Optimal Performance

Offended doll close capture

Let’s imagine that each of us wakes up in the morning with 100 life force energy units. You might have a family, pets to walk, children to get off to school, and work to do, all of which uses up some of your limited supply of energy for that day. Since there are going to be lots of occasions when you need to maintain your energy, it is important to be vigilant to make sure that the energy you expend works for you. Without enough energy, our thoughts are not as clear, our behavior is not as robust, and we are not as present for our clients and ourselves.

Being offended steals energy and derails us from the goals of the day. We cannot feel offended without having internal dialogues where we ruminate about the injustice and unfairness of the situation. This depletes our valuable energy. Often the next action is stealing the energy of someone else by venting about the incident. In the process of venting, we re-offend ourselves and use up even more valuable energy that could have been used for productive endeavors.

Tube almost depleted with cap out

The following are 5 reasons why you should strive never to be offended. You might think that this is outrageous—that there are lots of reasons to be offended. Allowing ourselves to take offense is a choice and we can simply choose to be neutral about what we experience. It’s not easy and not simple but it is doable. And, it is learnable.

  1. To be offended is to focus on the past. Regardless of whether the wrong was a few moments ago, earlier today, or years ago, that someone, somehow, did us wrong and we became offended, that offense was in the past. We keep dragging it along like a sack of weights on our shoulders whenever we recall the situation, and especially when we vent about it to others.
  2. To be offended takes the focus off the big picture. We have big plans. We have goals to achieve. We have budgets to make. We have sales to earn. If we don’t have enough energy, we can’t realize any of these achievements because we are too busy being held hostage by emotions from the past.
  3. There is a seductive desire to act bitter and superior, to gain strength from feelings of resentment. However, this is a form of a cut-rate self-esteem. It’s cheap to feel superior by judging other people as wrong. It is not possible to feel offended unless we decide that somebody did us wrong. To be neutral in typical day-to-day events is to be in containment and control of ourselves!
  4. Feeling offended is like a virus. When we are sick with a virus, we pass it to many of the people with whom we come into contact. When we’re offended, we do the same—to show it to other people, to vent, and to complain. When we do this, those we have encountered leave us worse off than when they came near us. This is called being an energy vampire! Shouldn’t our agenda be to have people leave our presence feeling better and uplifted? At the very worst, let them feel neutral. We have a negative impact on others when we share our concerns, disagreements, and resentments with them.
  5. The main reason not to feel offended is that it expends exorbitant amounts of energy. If you are reading this, you have big plans for your future. You have goals that you want to achieve. When you busy yourself feeling resentful and being offended, it uses up energy. You know those 100 life force energy units that we wake up with in the morning? That energy becomes depleted; now it’s down to 70 or 65 or 60 life force energy units and still, we must show up to our daily life and be fully present to clients, associates, and family.

Kid frowning from disgust

Here is a bonus reason not to feel offended: when we’re busy with feelings of resentment and judgment, it doesn’t look attractive. We tend to screw up our face, to frown and rarely smile. And you know what? It’s impossible not to carry that appearance with you and have it affect the suppliers and others in your circle of influence.

The next time someone offends you, stop for a moment and ask yourself which of the following two attitudes serve you better: that was then and this is now; I’m going to let it go, or, I am going to feel resentful and angry and use up some of my vital energy, which is a limited resource. Let’s hope you choose the former.


This article is an excerpt from my upcoming publication:

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Sara Haynes, P. Eng.
President
Sigma Solutions

“I took advantage of Alice Wheaton’s offer for a free 30-minute consultation…but we chatted for almost an hour, during which I had several epiphanies that have inspired and motivated me to move forward. These were ideas that I could immediately start working on to help me get new clients and increase recurring revenues. This is what I call Value on Steroids!”


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